Game Report: Kismet's Revenge

That is to say, the revenge others have on Kismet.  I just finished playing this game, and it was such a marvelously quick and brutal beatdown that I actually want to go through and reconstruct every single card play of it.  It's not the theoretical fastest that a game can possibly end, but it's pretty damn close for having actually been random.  I won't bother to describe all the card draws, just things that actually affected the game.

Scenario

I've fought Kismet four times before...first in an online game (my first ever), set in the Final wasteland, where I played Chrono-Ranger and another forumite took both Bunker and Fanatic.  I then did a solo game against her some time later, fighting in the Ruins of Atlantis and using Tachyon, Unity, Absolute Zero and Omnitron-X; with a team like that, you can probably guess the outcome.  When it came time to play her on Advanced, I decided it was time to make it a theme game of sorts, so I selected the four Prime Wardens (including Fanatic of course, as well as Tempest), setting the game in the Realm of Discord and concepting it as "Kismet has reached such power that reality itself is breaking down, and thus the Prime Wardens, in their duty to protect the entire planet, have come to stop her"...a duty in which they failed, as all but Tempest were incapacitated and then I had to forfeit the game due to a grievious rules error.  And then I played my first of the "Episode" series of forum games, with a full complement of five players and always playing on Advanced, and when that game finished I hopped in on the next one, which was Kismet on Insula Primalis, and someone beat me to Omnitron-X so I had to play Bunker.  So as you can see, I've got a storied history against her, in which several names keep appearing, and so with my next game being slated to be against her, I decided to make an event of it.

This game is a "sequel" to all four of the existing ones (although I can't recall who all the other heroes in the IP game were).  It is set in The Block, and presumes that Kismet has been incarcerated there after her previous defeats (the Realm of Discord game wasn't quite a proper victory for her, since I could perhaps have won it if I hadn't screwed up, and that's the only game loss I have against her).  Since she's extremely intimidating on Advanced, and I didn't want a really tough fight tonight (having had two one-hero wins and a scrapped game yesterday, I was in the mood for a relatively easy game this time - I guess I got my wish!), I put her on regular despite her having previously been Advanced in my career, with the rationale that she's been imprisoned and stripped of much of her power (although she has the Talisman for gameplay purposes, I was assuming it was probably locked away in the Block's vaults, and she's tapping into its power to some slight extent from afar, Doc Ock-style, with the Block guards not knowing she can do this and assuming she's safely contained).  This game's primary Raison D'etre was for me to play Rook City Wraith, and I picked The Block as a setting because it seemed like it would be a fun place for her Sleuth power to operate; once I decided to play against Kismet, I wrote the rest of the setup. 

So, Tempest remembers failing to thwart an incredibly dangerous Kismet and isn't even sure how the world still exists after this failure; he can't find any of his Prime Warden colleagues, and he doesn't want to get Legacy and Tachyon involved for some reason, so he tracks down the Wraith in Rook City (I was originally thinking of them as Freedom Six buddies, but that hasn't happened yet so we'll just have to assume they've "freelanced" together).  She agrees to help him investigate, but gets on the horn to Bunker, her closest friend among the Freedom Four-Point-Five (Absolute Zero is still thinking about whether to join, even if he did help Tachyon and her annoying intern field-test the suit once, during an exploratory trip to Atlantis where they encountered Kismet and a mysterious friendly robot who claimed to be from the future).  When he hears her secondhand version of Tempest's description of the foe, he finds himself remembering that he's encountered her, but has a paradoxical certainty that she's both incredibly dangerous and relatively harmless, making it clear that there's something wrong with his memories of these events.  The mystery only deepens when he meets Tempest, as they discover that they have a winged and sword-wielding friend in common, whose performance in their respective battles against Kismet was wildly different (in the Final Wasteland game, Fanatic dealt the deathblow and I wasn't playing her; in the Realm of Discord one, I was playing her and she died miserably).  But by calling on military intelligence sources, Bunker discovers that after Kismet was turned over to the FBI in the wake of the Atlantis incident, she seems to have simply disappeared off the face of the earth - and with a bit more digging, that turns out to be literal, as she's been removed to an entirely different universe where she can be more safely contained.  Receiving the coordinates of this extradimensional containment facility, known only as "The Block", Bunker calls in still more favors (and a fair bit of Maia Montgomery's money routed into the right hands through discrete channels), and gets permission to "inspect" the facility along with his two "aides"...but their real mission is to make sure that Kismet is indeed there, and that even such a prison as this can hold her.  And no sooner do they arrive than they're met by a mysterious grizzled gunman whom Bunker thinks looks familiar, but connects to his memory of Kismet as a mere gutter punk who they once tangled with in a blasted desert, while the newcomer insists that she's one of the greatest threats he's ever faced....

Round One

Villain Turn Start:  Kismet deals 1 surly-glaring damage each to Tempest [25], Chrono-Ranger [27], Bunker [27], and Rook City Wraith [26].

Villain Card Play:  As is only appropriate for her being securely imprisoned, Kismet opens on Unlucky Break, which does absolutely nothing on turn 1.

Villain Turn End:  Kismet reveals and reshuffles a Jinx, so she doesn't get Lucky.

Tempest's Turn:  Puts out an Elemental Subwave Inducer (henceforth ESI), since I've never really used this card and wanted to give it a try.  Unleashes a Squall for 1 damage to Kismet [69] and the Talisman [6].

CR's Turn:  Plays Sudden Contract, puts By Any Means on Kismet, and shoots her twice [65].  Normally it's wise to devote some effort to making the Talisman bounce back and forth so Kismet doesn't deal damage, but with an opening like this, why bother?

Bunker's Turn:  Even if not for the Bounty, Bunker has nothing usefully nonaggressive to do with his opening hand, so he just puts down a Flak Cannon and shoot Kismet in the face [61].  (Narratively, I figure he doesn't actually blast a safely restrained prisoner with shrapnel and slag, but rather is threatening to do so, and the damage represents Kismet's flagging morale at staring down the barrel.)

RCW's Turn:  Seeing that things are escalating quickly, Wraith goes into Combat Stance.  She helpfully points out to the nearest member of the prison staff that a Prison Riot is brewing, and suggests that they take steps to avert it quickly.  (Nevermind the fact that her cohorts are probably the whole reason the prisoners are about to riot, since they've already shot a prisoner twice without any visible provocation, and two of them are wearing high-technology devices that are obviously dangerous, one of them brandishing a military-grade weapon at point blank range and the other having unleashed a superpower of some sort.)

Environment Turn: A FILTER Officer shows up...before I remembered that Kismet had a history with the Prime Wardens, I explained Tempest's presence in this game as an unrelated investigation of FILTER's campaign against his fellow aliens, and I imagine that the Block's personnel have been giving him dirty looks since he showed up.  But now, one actually opens fire on him! [22].

Round Two

Villain Turn Start:  Kismet deals 1 snarkiness damage each to Tempest [21], Chrono-Ranger [26], Bunker [26], and Rook City Wraith [25]; the latter retaliates by throwing her into a wall [58], then apologizes that it was "just instinct" to attack anyone who threatens her, even metaphorically. 

Villain Card Play:  Kismet puts a Scattered Mind jinx on any one of the heroes; as long as it doesn't go on Tempest, it won't survive to affect anyone, so I just drop it on the next hero in order (although I later realized that it ought to have gone on Bunker, who could happily have Initialized every turn rather than continuing to engage in unprovoked assaults on a civilian, and thus wouldn't have had to do any damage until he had plenty of cards to spare).

Villain Turn End:  Kismet reveals and reshuffles another Jinx.

Tempest's Turn: Chooses "psychic" for the ESI.  Plays Ball Lightning, dealing 5 psychic damage [53] to Kismet (he doesn't actually throw the lightning ball at her; he just does cool tricks with it, and she's utterly overwhelmed in spite of herself) and destroying Scattered Mind.  Squalls again [Kismet at 51, Talisman at 5].

CR's Turn:  Plays Displaced Armory, puts his Compounded Bow into play, and puts a bullet and two arrows into Kismet [45].

Bunker's Turn: Lays down an AuxPS which he'll never end up using, then (theoretically or actually, whichever you'll believe) Flak-blasts Kismet again.

RCW's Turn: Plays Impromptu Invention.  As I always do, I start searching the deck without remembering to draw a card; given that I'm absolutely bound and determined to use my power phase on Sleuth, I can't think of any single Equipment that's terribly worth having this turn, so I settle for a Mega Computer that'll protect Tempest a little from the FILTER Officer.  But then I remember the draw, so I put the Mega Computer back, shuffle thoroughly, and draw...Razor Ordinance!  Well, that makes a difference, so instead of the Computer, I search out Utility Belt, then play the Ordinance...that is, play it right into Kismet's face [41].  Sleuth averts another Prison Riot, so the Block is guaranteed safe...well, relatively.

Environment Turn:  The Block's authorities finally take notice of the hyper-violent heroes and constant barely-averted threat of Riots, and declare Lock Down.  Instead of dealing 1 less damage to Tempest, as Wraith could have ensured if she'd taken the Mega Computer and then done nothing else, the FILTER Officer deals 1 more [17].

Round Three

Villain Turn Start:  Kismet deals 1 verbal-abuse damage each to Chrono-Ranger [25], Bunker [25], and Rook City Wraith [24]; Maia again repays rhetorical violence with the more traditional kind, and doesn't even bother to say "sorry" this time. [38].  Tempest is not affected by your primitive Earth insults.

Villain Card Play: The only Lucky card (or non-Jinx of any sort, apart from the Talisman) she gets all game, Hapless Strike.  Wraith deals 2 energy damage to poor Tempest [15]...the fact that this card deals energy damage has never made a lick of sense to me, but in this case I flavor it as Wraith continuing to box with Kismet and accidentally hitting Tempest, striking one of the "batteries" of his ESI and causing it to discharge the stored power into his body.

Villain Turn End:  Kismet reveals and reshuffles yet another Jinx.

Tempest's Turn: Chooses "psychic" for ESI again, tempting though "projectile" might be as an alternative...after all, with no intention of busting the Talisman, the heroes are guaranteed to take that 1 psychic damage every single turn (which makes Wraith's Combat Stance such an epic play).  They could eventually change their minds, if enough Jinxes show up for the Talisman bonus to become dangerous, but for now they're just pretending the Talisman doesn't exist, even though Tempest's Squall keeps hitting it.  The Maerynian lays down Lightning Storm, then does his usual thing [Kismet at 36, Talisman at 4]

CR's Turn:  Keeps his Eye on the Prize [Kismet at 34], and his draw is another Displaced Armory, so he now finds it worthwhile to fetch what he didn't quite want to get last turn: Jim's Hat.  (He had nothing too impressive to play that turn, so he upgraded his Power phases rather than getting extra card plays.)  He gets his play back, then drops Hunter And Hunted with the single Bounty in play, and shoots Kismet with his bow [28].

Bunker's Turn:  Drops an Omni-Cannon before Flacking Kismet again [24].

RCW's Turn:  I've played Wraith often enough (this is my 12th game with her) that anything about her other than the Rook City promo's unique Power doesn't excite me much anymore.  So I decide that rather than sticking with the tried and true "Wraitharang to the face plus I use my power" method, I decide to be bored and play Inventory Barrage, dealing just 1 extra damage to Kizzy this turn [20] and limiting her Power phase to just another Sleuthing.  She discovers an Imprisoned Rogue and opts to put it into play, since it will get rid of both the Lock Down and the obviously-overzealous Officer which benefits from it.  Presumably the way her friends are being treated (utterly without anything a reasonable person would consider "provocation", obviously) has made her suspect that some of the Block's prisoners don't deserve to be locked up as much Kismet, and that perhaps a bit of relocation is in order even for her!  (Once she's been thoroughly subdued, of course.)

Environment Turn: Imprisoned Rogue does in the FILTER Officer, for which you can't really blame him even if you aren't Wraith or Tempest.  Lock Down is immediately declared again, then both of them are dismissed as false alarms (which is a bit odd given that at least one prisoner has in fact escaped; you would think that would cause a Lockdown rather than ending one - or two, in this case).

Round Four

Villain Turn Start:  Kismet still doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut around Wraith; she deals 1 damage each to Chrono-Ranger [23], Bunker [24], and the teenage detective with the extremely short temper [26], for which she suffers immediate consequences [17].

Villain Card Play: Weak Heart jinx on Tempest, who doesn't care in the slightest.

Villain Turn End:  Kismet fails to get lucky for the fourth time in a row, and it's even a Jinx card yet again.

Tempest's Turn: Tempest picks "psychic" as usual, then immediately deals some with what I assume must actually be the idea of a Lightning Storm [Kismet at 15, Talisman at 3].  Knocks the Jinx Into The Stratosphere (despite being indoors), dealing more for-the-sake-of-argument damage [12], then Squalls again [Kismet at 10, Talisman at 2].

CR's Turn:  Plays Just Doin' My Job, discarding a Temporal Grenade.  Bunker and Wraith both have Limited duplicates (Wraith's is Combat Stance), and Tempest can stand to give up Shielding Winds, so CR draws 4 cards, and immediately gets to play one thanks to the Hat (after shooting Kismet down to 7).  He debates throwing down The Whole Gang just because it's a Bounty, but then I notice a better option: Terrible Tech-Strike!  With +2 to each of his damage instances, and my having recently confirmed on these forums that you can hit the same target twice, he reduces Kismet to a puddle of thunder and mud before even getting to his Power phase (when he could have dealt 8 more damage besides!).

So that was that.  My first time playing a promo hero, and she only got three turns!  (Appropriately enough given the backstory, I had considerable trouble remembering exactly how Chrono-Ranger's turns went during this game, and am only 80% sure I got it right this time...I have a pile of five 1-HP tokens next to Kismet's character card, so it's possible her HP at some point during the final turn was 5, but I can't see any way that could have happened.)  In setting terms, it makes little sense for CR to declare a By Any Means bounty on someone who's sitting in jail and having spectacularly terrible luck doing anything about it, and even less for Bunker and Wraith to join in the resulting slaughter with such verve, but I do have an explanation involving CR's time travel, and since CR and Bunker's first meeting with each other, a Prime Warden, and Kismet took place in a monster-overrun future, even if Lt. Vance can't quite remember whether it really happened, it's only proper that he'd take the time-traveling monster-hunter's words with considerable seriousness.  And Wraith, of course, was just defending herself against Kismet's vicious words.  With judo throws.  Nothing wrong with that....)