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The Admiral

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Ryushikaze
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The Admiral

Posted at the request of the designer, I give you The Admiral, a gloriously insane shipper who believes that all the heroes and villains are secretly in love with each other... with the reality warping psychic powers to make it real.

THE ADMIRAL
Co-Created by Katelyn Mitchell and Tim Jewett

Brooke Lane was the world's number one superhero fan. Creator and head admin of herofanfic.com, Brooke's online persona, AdmiralBL, was pretty much the Queen of the
superhero fandom. She was especially known for her hundred-plus chapter fanfiction epics, such as "Your Burning Passion Melts My Icy Facade" (a Ra x Zero Vampire AU)
and "Show me what you humans call...Love" (a domestic slice-of-life fic in which Tempest moves in with Legacy after coming to Earth) which had thousands upon thousands of bookmarks and favorable reviews. Her obsession with the heroes - and specifically with shipping them - grew, and grew. In her head, Brooke created various alternate
realities featuring Haka and Bunker's opulent wedding or Expat and Dawn's torrid, forbidden affair or Tachyon's heartbreaking choice between her attractive coworker Wraith and her jealous ex-lover Matriarch. She came to believe so fully that this was the truth, and the heroes' marriages and heterosexuality were fiction, that her latent psychic powers began to manifest. Using only her mind, she began to warp reality in order to make her ships 'canon'. Soon, she had formed an army of lovestruck
Fanatics and rainbow-wearing Ras and Chairmen redeemed by the power of Fixer's love. Dementedly believing that the real heroes were poorly written 'OCs' daring to
challenge her 'canon,' Brooke adapted her online persona for good, becoming the supervillain Admiral, Commander of Ships, determined to wipe the 'fake heroes' from
existence - forever!

FLIP MECHANIC
Starts in "Spastic Squee Mode" and switches at the start of each villain turn.
Spastic Squee Mode - Increase damage dealt by villain targets by 1. Advanced: At the end of the villain turn, Admiral deals all heroes 1 irreducible sonic damage.
SO MANY FEELS Mode - Reduce damage taken by all villain targets by 1. Advanced: At the end of the villain turn, all villain targets regain 1 HP

"LEGACY" - 1 COPY - Increase all damage dealt by villain targets by 1. If "Tempest" is in play, decrease all damage dealt by hero targets by 1 (6 HP)
"You can't leave, Tempest! You mean the world to me! I.....I..." -"Legacy"
"TEMPEST" - 1 COPY - Heal the Admiral 1 damage. If "Legacy" is in play, heal all villain targets 1 damage and heal Legacy 2 damage. (5 HP)
"Is...Is this what you humans call 'love'?" -"Tempest"

"RA" - 1 COPY - Deal the hero with the highest HP 2 fire damage. If "Absolute Zero" is in play, deal all heroes 1 fire damage. (9 HP)
"My heart burns for you with the passion of a thousand suns, Ryan." -"Ra"
"ABSOLUTE ZERO" - 1 COPY - Deal the hero with the lowest HP 2 ice damage. If "Ra" is in play, deal all heroes 1 ice damage (4 HP)
"Your flames melt my icy heart...Is this...Is this emotion?" -"Absolute Zero"

"HAKA" - 1 COPY - The Admiral is immune to damage until "Haka" is defeated. If "Bunker" is in play, all villain targets are immune to damage until "Haka"
is defeated. (10 HP)
"HAKA LOVE BUNKER!" -"Haka"
"Hey! I can speak in full sentences you know..." -Haka
"BUNKER" - 1 COPY - Deal the hero target with the second highest HP 2 melee damage. If "Haka" is in play, deal the hero target with the lowest HP 2 melee
damage, the hero with the second lowest 2 melee damage, and the hero with the third lowest 1 melee damage (6 HP)
"Not even my impenetrable suit can contain the heat of my love for you" -"Bunker"

"FANATIC" - 1 COPY - Destroy 1 ongoing card belonging to the hero with the most ongoings in play. If "Visionary" is in play, destroy H ongoing cards (7 HP)
"I would run through the fires of Hell for you, my love!" - "Fanatic"
"VISIONARY" - 1 COPY - Play the top card of the villain deck. If "Fanatic" is in play, look through the villain deck and play the first card which would
create a ship. Shuffle the villain deck. (5 HP)
"I can see no future in which we are not together, my angel!" - "Visionary"

"THE WRAITH" - 1 COPY - Deal the hero with the most equipment cards projectile damage equal to the number of equipment cards they have in play. If "Tachyon" is
in play, destroy one of that hero's equipment cards. (5 HP)
"If she says 'dark and troubled past' ONE MORE TIME..." -The Wraith
"TACHYON" - 1 COPY - The Admiral plays 2 cards per turn but takes 1 damage when doing so. If "The Wraith" is in play, the Admiral does not take this damage. (6 HP)
"See if you can keep up with me, Maia -seductive wink-" -"Tachyon"

"THE MATRIARCH" - 1 COPY - Deal all hero targets 1 sonic damage. If both "The Wraith" and "Tachyon" are in play, the Matriarch deals all hero targets 3 irreducible
sonic damage, destroys all equipment cards, and goes immediately into the trash.
"You won't take my love, Meredith? Then take THIS!" -"Matriarch"

"CITIZEN DAWN" - 1 COPY - Each hero loses one ongoing or equipment card, which is placed at the top of their deck. If "Expatriette" is in play, heroes cannot
play ongoing or equipment cards. (8 HP)
"You know, I honestly want the REAL Dawn back, army of psychos and all" -Legacy
"EXPATRIETTE" - 1 COPY - Deal the hero with the most ongoings in play 2 projectile damage. If "Citizen Dawn" is in play, deal that hero 4 irreducible projectile damage. (4 HP)
"Oh, Mother....I only fought against you all these years because I was afraid of my true feelings!" -"Expatriette"

"MR FIXER" - 1 COPY - Deal all heroes 1 irreducible melee damage. If "The Chairman" is in play, reduce damage to "Mr. Fixer" by 2 (6 HP)
"AND I WIIILLL TRYYYY TO FIX YOUUUU" -"Mr. Fixer"
"SHUTHIMUPSHUTHIMUPSHUTHIMUPSHUTHIMUP!" -Bunker
"THE CHAIRMAN" - 1 COPY - Deal the hero with the lowest HP 2 melee damage. If "Mr. Fixer" is in play, reduce damage to "The Chairman" by 1 (7 HP)
"Seems I won't have to resort to blackmail to win -your- love" -"The Chairman"
"THE OPERATIVE" - 1 COPY - At the end of the villain turn, if "Mr. Fixer" or "The Chairman" are in the villain trash, put them immediately into play (4 HP)
"So, boys...how about making this OTP an OT3?" -"The Operative"

OMNICHAN - ONGOING - 1 COPY - Raise the Admiral's max HP by 1. If she has at least one ship out, the Admiral regains 2 HP per turn.
"Watashi wa kawaii mascot desu!" - Omnichan

RET CON - ONE-SHOT - 3 COPIES - Shuffle the villain trash. Reveal cards until you find one that creates a ship. Put that card immediately into play.
"THAT NEVER HAPPENED!" - The Admiral

GOOD ENDING - ONE-SHOT - 1 COPY - Put all minions from the villain trash back into play
"Happily. Ever. AFTER!" - The Admiral

FOREVER ALONE - ONGOING, LIMITED - 1 COPY - Raise the max HP of all currently non-shipped minions by 1
"No! My poor baby! Oh my FEELS! ASDKFDJSFDSLFJDSFDS!" -The Admiral

PORN WITHOUT PLOT - ONGOING, LIMITED - 1 COPY - Increase all damage dealt by shipped minions by 1
"Didn't know you were that flexible, Paul" -Haka
"THIS IS BLASPHEMY!" -Fanatic


ax0r
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I'm not sure what I just read... =P

So, that was weird, but I have to commend the creators - they took the idea and ran with it. It seems like the deck would work okay, though probably come out as an even harder version of Citizen Dawn as far as actually playing.

 

Kudos for the wacky idea though.

Greonhal
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This is one of the most terrifying things I have ever read.

Flex Apollo
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Any plans on creating The Admiral's nemesis "Slash" in the near future?

Ryushikaze
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Her Nemesis would be the Canon Crusader, a time traveller whose job it is to ensure that all abberations in the issue count- I mean time stream are swiftly rationalized- I mean corrected.

 

Also, I'm posting a near-final build of the character, so the errant  'raise Max Hp' notes should be instead 'Heal HP per turn' as per Enhanced Edition rules.

EvanDan55
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This is truly beautiful. I can't even describe how hilarious this is. And I love it. Masterpiece.


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Braithwhite
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That was... something.  I can't help but picture someone (androgynous, young, kind of sweaty) desperately clutching wrinkled sheets of paper, saying to everyone "read my fanfic!" 

TheSoundOfTrees
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This is ... Evil.

Kudos to the authors !


Any view of things that is not strange is false - Neil Gaiman

lugaru
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So back in the day I worked at starbucks and there was a morbidly (massively) obese voice actor who always wore a white hat that would come in. He was drinking himself to death, one Venti Caramel Frappuccino (with extra caramel) at a time. We called him the captain and he had this big booming voice.

 

That is who I picture... "well done my minions... now kiss!"

EvanDan55
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I just remembered that this villain existed, so I had to come back and read it again. I love this because of how hilarious this is. I understand why it wasn't picked (probably due to implied sexual content), but damn, I might just have to make these on index cards and play this villain. This is something my friends would find hilarious.


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