So, I was playing a game versus Akash’buta in Insula Primus on my ipad. (PAX Aus last year, to be precise.)
Mr Fixer, Unity, Argent Adept, Fanatic, and Tempest. I was getting the crap kicked out of me. Blood was pooling through cracks in the ipad’s screen, moans of the damned circulating around the room...you’ve been in those games, you know what I’m talking about.
Unity’s incapped, everyone else is down to 7 or less hp, Mr Fixer’s on 1. Akash is so close to Final Doom herself (4 hp), but she has so many cards in play, and she’s just taken away everything I own . There’s sod all damage dealing cards in anyone’s hand. I’m done on her next turn, no doubt.
But I do have two Bloody Knuckles in Fixer’s hand, and with the Adept’s assistance, I end up with both of them in play by the time he comes to his power use. Which means Fixer’s base power now does 5 damage...
To quote the message I sent my friends:
‘Mr Fixer just beat the local manifestation of Chaos to death with his fists.’,
and then one of their responses:
‘looks more like bloody elbows.’
I wrote some ad hoc bad-ass dialogue for Fixer which the same friend said could almost be sung to the tune of the Firefly theme. So I rewrote it over a hasty gamer lunch, but then got distracted by a PAX-related shiny thing and forgot entirely about it.
And here I am months later, with some spare time at work (ie: skiving) and I found the file, so here it is:
*ahem*
The Ballad of Mr Fixer (to the tune of the Firefly theme)
"take my crowbars, take my stance
take my cards right from my hand
I don’t care, I focus chi
you can’t take my fists from me"
"take my hit points, leave me one
try to tell me that I’m done
take my ongoings all from me
you can’t take my fists from me"
"bloodied knuckles, ripped and scarred
beating you just weren’t that hard
you took my crowbars, took my stance
but you couldn’t take away my hands"
I Play "Vigorous Applause".
Any view of things that is not strange is false - Neil Gaiman
This is awesome. =D
Of this song I am quite a big fan
as an ode to the best handyman
I like the melody too
but I'd have chosen to do
John Henry the Steel Driving Man
(no, I'm not going back to writing entirely in limmerick. But it seemed a fitting reply to a song)
"Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?"
- Terry Pratchett, Going Postal
Heh. I went with the Firefly theme because that's what came up in conversation. But yeah, John Henry would be a great setup for a Mr Fixer song.
'you'll die with a crowbar in my hand'
And thanks for the appreciation, you guys!
I was so happy, then I read the last sentence.
Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.
-Robert E. Howard, "The Tower of the Elephant"
I truly can't tell you how much I love this. You just combined two of my favoriate things in the world.
(I would love to have some SotM emoticons. Hey, I think I'm going to go create a thread...)
"See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid and crotchety. Breaks the heart." - Mal
Unicode U+24BD gets us Ⓗ. (Thanks, Godai!)